Posts tagged angry

Ranting Again.

So here we are again. He’s a month and a half behind in child support. Again. I give him chance after chance after chance. Every month I have to phone and ask when I can expect it to be coming. His kids are the LAST on his list of things to pay. While I can understand the necessity of paying your bills, these are your CHILDREN! I am so fortunate to be with a man who not only can hold a job, but that is a fantastic Dad and Step-Dad. If I was relying on this child support to get us through the month, we’d be starving on the streets by now. Ridiculous.

Anyways, I phone this morning. It’s 9 AM and I’m thinking they must be up since they had to get their boys off to school – or maybe they don’t have them this week, who knows. Whatever. As I said, he is a month and a half behind. It is March 14th and he’s paid up to the month of January. I HATE DOING THIS, by the way. I phone and they’re still in bed. Oops, sorry. But you did say that you’d bring by $400 last Saturday and it’s now Wednesday. Just sayin’.

She answers the phone all groggy, hands the phone to J. I ask if he’s fixed things up with the bank yet. Perhaps I should explain that. He wanted to open a joint account with me again, so he could deposit the child support in immediately, without having to come all the way over here to give it to me. The thing is, I don’t want my name attached to his anymore. I don’t want MY accounts frozen cuz HE didn’t pay his bills and this is just one more account to seize. I don’t want my new last name, D.’s last name, to be tarnished by the K. name and the K. bad credit. The K.s (his parents too) are well known by the government for not paying bills and mortgages and utilities. They are audited nearly every year. Why? Cuz they try and pull fast ones on their taxes, that’s why. Most people are audited MAYBE once every seven years. Maybe. I’ve been with D. for eight and we’ve NEVER been audited. Therefore, I don’t want to be linked to J. anymore for more than just financial reasons. Because of my refusal to open an joint account, he keeps telling me that he can’t transfer funds over to my account. Or email transfer them. Or anything. Apparently cuz he’s stupid or he’s a liar, since everyone else on the face of the earth can do it! At the beginning of this month, he told me he tried and couldn’t; that his bank doesn’t allow it; that he has to have a special account (bullshit); yadda yadda yadda. D. checked online and it says on that J. can’t email transfer but he can “transfer to external accounts” which needs the institution code, transit number, bank name, and account number – all of which I GAVE HIM LAST MONTH!!!!!!!!!!

As I said, stupid or a liar.

He says he’s going to the bank to sort it all out today (couldn’t have done that Monday, since you didn’t bring the support on Saturday?) and here’s L. in the background nattering away. I said what? What did she say? He says, “Oh, she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” I said, “No, what did she say.” He says, “She says to back off.” Oh really? I was pissed but I just said, “I’m pretty sure she’d be where I am if her ex didn’t pay his child support.”

I’m STILL pissed. I have been for a week and a half. But now I’m REALLY pissed. See, here’s the deal:

Firstly and foremost, J. never would have even had to pay child support if he had paid off the line of credit. $26,000 completed and done versus $48,000 (give or take a few thousand) over ten years of child support. Does this make sense to you? And I didn’t even back file for two years like I could have. He was told that if he didn’t pay it off and deal with it, that when I filed for divorce, I would file for child support (and back support though I didn’t and obviously, I should have!). He didn’t do it, so I did.

Secondly, if he kept a job longer than six months or so, he wouldn’t have so much trouble with money. That and being a titch more responsible with it.

Thirdly, it’s completely NONE of her friggin’ business anyways! They aren’t her kids! She needs to worry about her own damn kids and her own damn ex.

Fourthly, I wouldn’t have been phoning today if he’d come on Saturday like he said he was going to. Or dealt with it on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or, hey, how about FEBRUARY 1st, like he should have???

I asked if he just wanted me to go through child maintenance cuz it’d be easier all around. (How many times have I asked that?) He’d never have to worry about getting it to me or how much or anything. It’d all be done for him. But ohhhhhh no. That way, the boys would come first and not all his other bills he’s behind on. We are dead last to be paid. It’s not the money. It’s the principle. He hardly sees the boys. He doesn’t pay any extracurricular stuff like he’s supposed to (and I don’t ask – I know better). He doesn’t pay support on time. What good is he? He can hardly be described as a father.

And SHE dares to get annoyed? Are you kidding me?

She thinks I’m a bitch. You know what? I feel like a bitch when I have to phone. I don’t WANT to phone! I don’t WANT to badger, annoy, harass, threaten. So why is he forcing me to??? Does he think I’m gonna roll over and take this the way I did with the Line of Credit? Not friggin’ likely! I’ve learned a lot since then. And he’d better catch up and she’d better shut her mouth. Or maybe I really WILL be a bitch and call child maintenance. I should have listened when the lawyer told me right at the start to file with maintenance immediately. I always try to give him the benefit of the doubt and he always screws me. Maybe I need MY head examined…

I’d sure save myself a lot of time, stress and hassle.

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Naked Pictures!?!?!?!

Beautiful at any size

So here I am again. I’m a little peeved this morning. As number 1 son is leaving for school, he says, “You know… um… well…”
I think, Oh boy. What’s going on now? He hems and haws a bit more before coming out with, “Well, you know last time… er… um… Grandma K says you put up a… um… naked picture on facebook.” He looks totally embarrassed but I can see he wants – needs – to know if this is true. His mother is a internet “ho”.

I feverishly run through things I’ve put up on facebook – not that any of them are my naked picture, but of what could be construed as a “naked picture”. Obviously, I’ve done something heinously wrong here and the “moral” grandparents thought they’d better warn my 15 year old son! I haven’t put any … wait a minute.

No. It can’t be that one.

Seriously?

That one? It can’t be another – it’s the only one I’ve ever posted that’s had any sort of nudity involved.

Wow.

Now I’m a little annoyed. Did she freakin’ READ the story (and the rant I left above my “share” of it???) that went with it? If she did, did she somehow MISS the important part about how we shouldn’t be judging beauty by size? Or was she so “morally offended” that she couldn’t bring herself to read the important part?

And now I’m really pissed. Whether or not she read the story about the picture doesn’t matter! She told my 15 year old son that his mom is posting inappropriate nude pictures on facebook!!! I’ve yet to find out if he thought the nude picture was of myself or not. Not that that matters either. The fact is she deliberately told him something to make him question my morality/ethics/everything. My kids are not allowed to have facebook pages. There is too much cyber-bullying and it’s unnecessary anyways. They don’t have cell phones or computer access any old time they want either.

It’s just another way to undermine my saying no to the boys going to their Mormon church or their Mormon activities or watching their Mormon videos/tapes/music/slip-a-little-brainwashing-in when they are visiting their dad. Grandpa K tells them all the time that he can’t wait ‘til they are old enough to make up their own minds about going to their church and dad’s new wife never hesitates to tell them I’m “stupid” for not allowing them to go to church with them. And there’s more they don’t tell me. It usually only comes out weeks or months later when they’ve had it spinning around in their developing brains all that time. Doesn’t make a lick of difference to the grandparents that we go to our own church and that our beliefs collide with theirs in too many important ways for me to allow them to start brainwashing my kids who don’t have enough spiritual understanding to fight back! I’ve armed the boys to the best of my ability but there’s only so much I can say to them at this level.

Then again, I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised about it. These are the people who have no “stops” on their mouths. What sort of grandparent tells a 9 yr old his dog was shot by hunters and proceeds to show him the body? I guess the same kind that tells their 8 yr old son to go shoot all the cats in the barn because there’s too many and they don’t feel like doing it themselves. Or fixing the cats so they don’t reproduce. Or, you know, something equally humane, like finding homes for them.
Since I didn’t hear anything about this for so long, I’m going to have to assume that he was told sometime over Thanksgiving weekend. That means he’s been stewing about it for two weeks, too embarrassed or angry to say anything to me about it. I also assume he told his 13 yr old brother, which means I’m going to have to discuss it in better detail when they get home this evening. Damage control again from these people. More and more often, I wish I could prevent them from ever seeing the boys again. I would say the boys so much pain and anxiety and disillusionment if I did.

Where is the respect here? Respect for me as their mother, as their prime caregiver, as a person? Where the respect of my explicit is wishes (in writing as well as verbally)? They follow the letter but not the spirit. They don’t take them to church, etc. but it is because I had to threaten to take away unsupervised visits. And they still never miss an opportunity to push something unsuspectingly into their heads – unacceptable praying (by the boys, not them. Wrong words used, not closed right, whatever.), strange beliefs told as truths – or to put doubt into their minds about me and my parenting or our beliefs. And on and on – ad nauseum.

I am tired. Tired of this constant battle against them. Tired of being ignored when I say something important. Tired of being trodden on by those who won’t accept my rules. Tired of the lies and half truths spoken about me. Some of the reason I left my ex was because not only wouldn’t they accept my boundaries, but he wouldn’t help enforce them either. I thank God for my happiness now. I thank God that the boys are away from this nonsense for the most part. But there are always battles ahead.

Bring it.

*I mean no disrespect to any readers who are Mormon. We may not agree on details but you are free to believe what you want. However, I will not allow anyone to proselytize my kids!!!*

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