Bad Days

November 11, 2011 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged anger, hard, OCD

It is amazing what little things can trigger a “bad” day for someone with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). For Leith today, it was the fact that there were no more Fruity Whirls left for him to have breakfast with. I assume he finished them off yesterday but he neglected to tell me and so I didn’t buy any when I was grocery shopping yesterday.

I was greeted with a storm of tears and anger when I came downstairs this morning. He was livid that I hadn’t bought more. He was also angry because I’d forgotten to get more of his Synthroid and there were only three pills left. I calmed him down and got him off to school without further incident (thank goodness!). When I saw him at the Remembrance Day ceremony at school, he was fine. He tries to always be on his best behaviour in front of other people. He needs to be completely comfortable or completely out of control before having a meltdown in front of strangers.

However, he came home after school and all was good until he started playing with his Lego’s. Something wasn’t staying the way he wanted it too and he was furious. He kept trying but it wouldn’t work. He was pounding the floor in frustration and in a rage of tears. I helped him figure out the problem and showed him how to fix it. I told him that tomorrow he needed to play with something other than Legos (frustration like this is the result of playing with them too many days in a row. He becomes obsessed with a certain way of doing it and becomes enraged when it doesn’t “do what it’s supposed to”.), setting off another batch of anger. I also told him that if he got overwhelmingly angry again, he’d have to put them away. He was not happy with me!

Things went fine for a little while longer and then the tears and pounding the floor began again. I told him, “Sorry sweetie, but it’s time to put the Lego’s away now.” He was FURIOUS. He put them away and growled like a dog at me the whole time. I ignored it for the most part (better than reacting) but there were times when it was only how much trouble he’d get into that prevented him from pinching me or grabbing me and squeezing as hard as he could. I worry that he will lose control as a teen or adult and really hurt someone so I make sure there’s big trouble if he hits or hurts me in anger.

After cleaning up, he went upstairs to my room. I could hear his feet tiptoeing above me since the office is right below our bedroom. I gave him a couple of minutes of quiet before saying I didn’t want him breaking anything or throwing anything in there. He ran out quickly. (I found out later this evening that he’d been in our bathroom spitting water all over our mirror.) He came down and told me I was a bad mommy. He brought his light saber which he pretended to stab me with (I played along) and then he brought down his little Nerf gun and shot some plastic darts at me while I made supper. Again, I played along after making sure he wasn’t going to shoot me in the face.

It was difficult to get him to come and eat dinner – even though it was food he likes. Daddy told him he couldn’t have ice cream until he’d eaten his supper. More tears and growling. I cajoled him into eating by encouraging and complimenting and he got his ice cream after all.

OCD

From before school to bedtime, not only had we had the incidents I spoke of, but he’d gotten angry at his sister, brothers, me and Daddy a few times more, as well. He brought me a little drawing he’d made of himself with a sad face and “dad is bad” beside an arrow pointing to the sad face stating, “that’s me”, at one point tonight.

Sometimes it’s so hard to not get angry when he’s having a meltdown – especially when he’s had a bad day. Bad days are the ones that last all day. He saves up all his anxiety until he gets home and then let’s go. Usually it’s aimed at me, I think because he knows that I know he can’t help it and I allow him the freedom to get it out.

Often it can be emotionally exhausting. I can see he’s upset and there’s only so much I can do to make it better. Sometimes, no matter what I do, there’s nothing that can help him deal.

Sometimes, all I can do is hold my little man when he’s not so angry and give him the love he rejects when he is.